Last week I shared about the differences in my pregnancies and the cravings I had then versus the cravings I have now. For as different as these two pregnancies are I felt the reason would be due to it being a different sex. As much as I tried not to get excited about the possibility of having a girl the burning desire could not be quenched. Each time I looked at the vintage dresses I wore as a baby that were cleaned, pressed and hanging in my closet ready for the next generation my heart smiled with the hope that maybe this would be the pregnancy that would bring me my coveted girl.
This past week my hopes were dashed as we learned we would be welcoming another boy into our family.
My parents only had two children, a boy and then myself two years later. Subconsciously I think I just sorta expected that’s what I would have. It’s what I was familiar with and frankly all I knew. My husband on the other hand is an only child so the thought of having more than one child is scary on any level. He’s just not familiar with how a sibling relationship works, much less how to parent one. Even though he was ok with having either sex he was a tad disappointed as well. But no one could have been more disappointed than me.
From the minute we came home from the doctor I didn’t want to talk to anyone. The following day I was filled with anger and sadness. The third day the sadness took over completely as I took the vintage dresses out of my closet and placed them in storage. I could no longer look at them without bursting into tears. By the end of the week I was doing much better and in an effort to get myself excited about having another boy I went shopping. Shopping for baby clothes and dressing my Little Man was one of my favorite parts of having a baby so I figured retail therapy would be a good idea.
I walked into Baby Gap looking for some cute newborn boy clothes but was met with a pitiful selection while the girls section was riddled with adorable tutus, frilly dresses and pink ruffles. I couldn’t keep it together and began crying in the middle of the store. Thankfully my girlfriend, who had gone through the same situation and now has two lovely boys, called me right then. It was a blessing to hear her voice and as I sat in the parking lot she listened to my cries and prayed with me over the phone. I love how God totally knew what I needed when I needed it. Although I don’t always know why things happen the way they do I do know that there is always a reason. I do know that God wants this little baby boy in the world and I am lucky enough to be his mommy. But mostly I trust that God will eventually turn my sadness into joy and excitement.
So I re-entered the mall and tried again. This time I walked into Gymboree and you know what? I found the most ridiculously cute and funny outfit for this baby that makes me break out laughing every time I look at it. So when I feel the sadness creep in I will bring out that hysterical outfit and remember God’s promises and faithfulness that He has a plan and I am blessed to be a part of it. I know the excitement will grow with time and I look forward to the day when I can no longer remember why on earth I was ever diappointed to recieve this perfect gift from above.
Have you been disappointed in a pregnancy? Did you desire a boy or girl and never receive that wish?