Last week I shared about the differences in my pregnancies and the cravings I had then versus the cravings I have now. For as different as these two pregnancies are I felt the reason would be due to it being a different sex. As much as I tried not to get excited about the possibility of having a girl the burning desire could not be quenched. Each time I looked at the vintage dresses I wore as a baby that were cleaned, pressed and hanging in my closet ready for the next generation my heart smiled with the hope that maybe this would be the pregnancy that would bring me my coveted girl.

This past week my hopes were dashed as we learned we would be welcoming another boy into our family.

My parents only had two children, a boy and then myself two years later. Subconsciously I think I just sorta expected that’s what I would have. It’s what I was familiar with and frankly all I knew. My husband on the other hand is an only child so the thought of having more than one child is scary on any level. He’s just not familiar with how a sibling relationship works, much less how to parent one. Even though he was ok with having either sex he was a tad disappointed as well. But no one could have been more disappointed than me.

From the minute we came home from the doctor I didn’t want to talk to anyone. The following day I was filled with anger and sadness. The third day the sadness took over completely as I took the vintage dresses out of my closet and placed them in storage. I could no longer look at them without bursting into tears. By the end of the week I was doing much better and in an effort to get myself excited about having another boy I went shopping. Shopping for baby clothes and dressing my Little Man was one of my favorite parts of having a baby so I figured retail therapy would be a good idea.

I walked into Baby Gap looking for some cute newborn boy clothes but was met with a pitiful selection while the girls section was riddled with adorable tutus, frilly dresses and pink ruffles. I couldn’t keep it together and began crying in the middle of the store. Thankfully my girlfriend, who had gone through the same situation and now has two lovely boys, called me right then. It was a blessing to hear her voice and as I sat in the parking lot she listened to my cries and prayed with me over the phone. I love how God totally knew what I needed when I needed it. Although I don’t always know why things happen the way they do I do know that there is always a reason. I do know that God wants this little baby boy in the world and I am lucky enough to be his mommy. But mostly I trust that God will eventually turn my sadness into joy and excitement.

So I re-entered the mall and tried again. This time I walked into Gymboree and you know what? I found the most ridiculously cute and funny outfit for this baby that makes me break out laughing every time I look at it. So when I feel the sadness creep in I will bring out that hysterical outfit and remember God’s promises and faithfulness that He has a plan and I am blessed to be a part of it. I know the excitement will grow with time and I look forward to the day when I can no longer remember why on earth I was ever diappointed to recieve this perfect gift from above.

Baby Boy’s first outfit


Have you been disappointed in a pregnancy? Did you desire a boy or girl and never receive that wish?


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25 Responses to So we found out the sex and I’m not excited

  1. runningtheracelikeaturtle says:

    I commend you for being honest and vulnerable. You basically went through the stages of grief. we know God will bring you full joy and peace in this choice He made for you….and who knows? Maybe #3 will be the girl? 🙂

  2. Betty says:

    Omg I love the outfit. It’s the cutest thing ever!
    Congratulations on finding out the sex of your baby. I am sure that he will be as funny and sarcastic as both you and John.

  3. Ken Daughters says:

    Every child is a gift from God, including this second boy. God may yet give you a girl. You already have a 50/50 chance. You can improve your odds by taking some of the steps described in those books on choosing the sex of your child. In the mean time, allow God to bless your heart with this very special gift of a baby boy. God sovereignly gave him to you, so you know it’s His will. Enjoy him with all your heart. He will surely be an unexpected blessing!

  4. If I had written a blog post after our gender reveal appointment it would have read very similar! It has now been a few months since my appointment and I don’t feel as disappointed as I did. Changing our expectation and dealing with disappointment is the pits. But as you stated, God knows what he is doing and we are very lucky to be the moms to our babies. Praying for you!

  5. sara says:

    Kate, I was disappointed that Micah…and then Zephan (our second and third boys!) were not girls. I always imagined having a daughter. But God’s gracious and he eventually led us to adoption. We adopted our daughter Ella and are now adopting a second little girl, Lana. All I can say is that God’s plan is good. And it’s a sweet thing for boys to have brothers!!!

  6. Leslie White says:

    Congratulations! We didn’t find out the sex of our second baby but my husband was convinced it would be a girl. When our baby came out I could see the disappointment in his face. I was naturally concerned because he had the baby blues the first time around. Then seconds later he was handed our little boy and I saw the disappointment turn into joy. For a few minutes things were perfect! I’ve always believed God never gives you more than you can handle and always gives you what you need. My little guy is with the family he needed to be with. We are lucky enough to be able to provide him with the love and support he needs to help him overcome and embrace his personal challenges. In the end nothing beats a happy healthy baby. The sex is neither here nor there. I see my two boys and they are lovely. Enjoy your gifts and best of luck. I

  7. ktphop says:

    Shopping as therapy is so underrated!

    When we found out baby number 2 was a second boy, I cried. The doctor thought it was tears of joy. I was disappointed to not be having a girl, but five and half years later, I can’t imagine it any other way. And no, we’re not having a third.

  8. holly says:

    kate, these two beautiful boys could not be more blessed than to have you and john as parents.watching the big brother/little brother friendship/bond grow is going to be something that will fill up your heart over and over. little brother will learn how to play- and pee- just like his big brother! and the no-nonsense style of parenting i’ve witnessed from you seems so perfect for sweet little boys (not that it wouldn’t be perfect for any child!) i truly believe that. the moment you lay eyes on him he’ll wriggle right into that perfect spot in your beautiful family.

  9. Emily says:

    Loved seeing you yesterday. Sometimes life is crazy where big disappointments turn into even bigger blessings. My little sister was supposed to be a boy- we all expected a boy- but then that boy was a girl and the whole family seemed to be thrown out of wack but it makes my family just perfect like that. I think you’ll find that to be the same for you. Wishing you the best and contentment and joy with what The Lord does give you.

  10. Val says:

    Oh, I sooo understand! We have four boys, and I found out the sex for each of them. The first I was so excited because it was a boy and I knew my husband would be tickled pink. The second I was a little disappointed, but thought it was cool to have two boys that would be great friends. The third I was starting to panic that I was never going to have a chance to dress someone in pink and frills. When we found out we were expecting our fourth (and no, we weren’t intentionally trying for a girl), I was certain it was a boy. The ultrasound technician came in and told me that she was sure it was a girl! I bawled like a baby! I was so excited! And then the doctor came in to confirm the measurements, and told me that the technician was wrong…there was no way this baby wasn’t a boy. I held out hope until he was born that maybe, just maybe, he would be born a girl. Now looking back on it, I’m just grateful for how the blessings we have…but I must admit that I look longingly into the girls section now and then. And I did threaten to have him wear dresses while I was home with him. 😉

  11. Heidi says:

    I’m so with you! I have an almost 18 yr old girl, I was too poor to buy anything fun and girly for when she was born, and then 3 boys with my husband. Am currently pregnant (surprisedly!) and I did the intelligender pee test and it said another boy!! 4 in a row. I felt like my husband was broken, and I will never get to braid hair!! I’m 40 and this is definitely our last so unless we find a girl at our doorstep we are done, too! I figure there’s meaning to it and I loved your honesty. I need the next 28 weeks to rebuy all I sold and prepare for a houseful of boys! VAL, I feel like you, too!! And I’m telling you, marketing for girls is soooooo much better than boys! Hands down! Maybe God didn’t want me to go bankrupt shopping for little girl things! I am thankful for what I have and do remember that!

    • I had the exact same thought! The girls sections are just so well done while the boys seem to lack that marketing edge. I truly do think God was sparing my bank account cause I know I would have had a hard time not buying all the cute girl clothes I drool over. At lease I get to shop for my friends little girls. ; )

  12. Kate says:

    SO proud of you for posting your true feelings that are totally human and VERY common!! There are many other people out there that have or will have experienced the same feelings. I was secretly dissapointed that after 2 girls, my 3rd was a boy instead of a girl. I wanted a 3rd girl can you believe it?! Now that I have my boy, I love him more than anything and he has the most precious personality. God knows best and we can trust Him to give us His best. God is good all of the time and all of the time, God is good!!! Thanks for sharing Kate!!

    • Thanks Kate! It’s nice to know I am not alone. Although many moms may feel guilty when these emotions come I hope people can be encouraged by the support that these are VERY common and it does pass.

  13. Oh my gosh, that outfit is adorable! And your son is so lucky he’ll have a little brother to roughhouse with. I’m pregnant with my second and secretly hope it’s another boy because the bond between my husband and his brother is SO amazing!

  14. lidia says:

    Congratulations to you guys! Just to encourage you a bit I remember when I got pregnant with Axel I wasn’t very happy about it. Miko was only 8 months and I didn’t want to have another baby while I cared for one. I just didn’t know how I would find time and energy for a second one. I didn’t mind if it was a boy again, and we actually didn’t find out. I like to have that excitement at the end when the baby is born. But I was worried about the bigger busyness this child will bring into my life. I would often forget about being pregnant because I was to busy caring for my baby Miko. And the only times when I would realize I will have second child was when I would have my ultra sound done. So at the end when Axel was born it turned out way better then I thought. He was such a good baby, which allowed me to give a lot of time to Miko. And now they are such a good friends, I love watching them play and do rascally stuff together. I feel so blessed by God. I thank Him for that blessing:)

  15. Oh, Kate–I’m tearing up right now reading this. I know this feeling EXACTLY–two times over! I even have a blog post saved in my drafts that I have started and tweaked and not finished since last April about grieving the loss of dreams (in this case, not having a girl). I know it’s ridiculous, but I just always expected to have a girl. Like you, I’ve saved dresses and there’s a box full of my old dolls out in the garage. We always planned to have 3 kids (remember my “Are you trying for a girl post” here :)), and though I knew all of one gender was a real possibility, I just never, ever thought I’d be the mom of 3 boys. Now of course that they are here with me, I wouldn’t trade any of them and love them desperately. But, sometimes I still grieve for that loss of the dream of having a girl. It’s hard and I applaud you for posting.
    With all of that said though, congratulations! I can say from experience that watching those two brothers will absolutely melt your heart. And, that outfit–so cute!! I think I see a trip to Gymboree in my future!! 🙂

    • Thanks so much Sara for sharing. I have to admit I think we will try for a third but only when I am completely excited about having 3 boys. If it’s a girl, bonus! But I do like the idea of “Kate and her men”. 😉

  16. […] been almost a year since I wrote the post So we found out the sex and I’m not excited about my discovery that I was not having the girl I so desired. Since then we have welcomed our […]

  17. Stephanie says:

    Thank you so much for this post. I just found out last week that our second child is going to be a boy (our first child is a boy just over two). I cried on the way home from the doctor’s office because I was so disappointed. My husband and I had our heart set on having a girl. I felt so ungrateful for being so unhappy when God had blessed us with this gift. I kept telling myself that we were lucky to be able to get pregnant when many people around us are having fertility issues. I’m feeling a bit better and more excited about it now. I am looking forward to meeting our little boy 🙂

  18. […] REALLY wanted a girl and needed to know early to allow myself time to grieve in case it was a boy (which it […]

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