timid mom

My biggest challenge in motherhood – by far – has been timidness. There was a steep learning curve when that first little guy came along. I was a young mom. Not young enough to have any sort of helpful rebel drive, but not yet old enough to have the clarity I needed to call the shots. It’s not so much that I had trouble with breastfeeding, making my mind up about vaccinations or getting people to offer their help. I was just too timid to speak up and say what I wanted. What I deserved. I was too immature to know better.

When the dermatologist said I was crazy for worrying about that thing on my baby’s skin, I should have gotten a second opinion. When that breast pump didn’t work, or that crib mattress didn’t fit, I should have spoken up. When those unheralded words of advice came pouring in and I was just desperate for a nap or a take-out pizza, why didn’t I SAY so?

I think it’s a woman thing. Politeness gets in our way. Even amidst swollen ankles and cracked nipples, spit-up and liquidy diapers…we can’t risk being poor-mannered.

I’ve always said that our genders are equal. We should have fair opportunities in this world to pursue our dreams, but I genuinely think that there is something in our nature or our upbringing that makes women different. Why do you never see the female lion roaring before the movie? It’s always a male’s epic snarl. We get shushed and told to wait in line until our turn.

What I’ve come to realize is this: motherhood is time to take our turn. We’ve earned it. It may not happen immediately. But in time, that maternal instinct kicks in and washes away timidity for every formerly-shy mom. I’ve grown more in the two-and-a-half years since having my first son than I did the rest of my life. Around the time my son celebrated his second birthday, I celebrated the birth of a more confident me. A me who knows when to say “No” and how to speak up…even if it seems “out of turn.”

How have your children changed you?

One Response to Motherhood is My Turn

  1. Im so happy to hear you feel more confident as a mom. Good for you! I have never had much of a problem voicing my opinion on matters but then again I am not a super young mom and am blessed to have wonderfully supportive people around me. If I didn’t have those two things then I may also cower at the thought of challenging someone.

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