This is a guest post written  by Krishann Briscoe

During my pregnancy, as I got closer to my due date it was evident that I wasn’t the only one anxiously awaiting my baby’s arrival. Family and friends shared that they couldn’t wait to meet her and were already letting me know of their plans to visit right away. I remember multiple conversations during which my husband and I discussed how we would handle visits once she arrived. He was excited to have visitors because to him it meant more love for our precious newborn. I was concerned I wouldn’t be up to it despite being grateful that she was already loved so
much.

We ended up having visitors in the hospital and at home almost daily. I was exhausted, in pain and didn’t want to have to worry about what I was wearing, brushing my hair or feeling like I had to entertain. At the same time I didn’t want our loved ones to think that I was being selfish, mean or unappreciative given how excited they were to meet our littlest lady. I felt guilty for turning anyone away.

One day my husband told me someone wanted to visit that evening and I began weeping. Yes, I was hormonal but I had also reached my breaking point. I needed time. While it’s wonderful for our babies to be showered with love and affection beyond what we can give them there’s time for that. What’s most important is that we’re in a good mental and emotional state so that we can appropriately care for them.

As hard as it may be at times it’s ok to say no. You don’t have to have visitors at the hospital or at home unless it’s something you and your partner both want and agree to. As much as everyone wants to meet your baby the time will come and in the meantime there’s Instagram.

The postpartum period isn’t the time for you to cater to everyone else. It’s a time for your body to begin the healing process and for you to further deepen your connection with your baby.

So if you aren’t ready for company just yet say so. You can politely let people know that you’re in the process of getting settled and that you appreciate their understanding. Whether your loved ones meet your baby when he or she is two days old, two weeks old or two months old they will love them just the same. They can look forward to many years of moments shared — holidays, birthdays, performances and so much more. This is your time to heal, to attempt to rest and to get better acquainted with that angel you carried in your belly all those months.

 

Krishann is a Child Welfare professional with a heart for children and families, and a passion for writing and dessert. She is a wife and a mother who is seeking to find more joy in her journey through life. In addition to authoring her personal blog His Mrs. Her Mr., Krishann writes for Babble’s Strollerderby blog and is also a contributor for The Conversation and The Conscious Perspective. Krishann resides in Southern California with her husband and their two daughters.

My blog: His Mrs. Her Mr.

About 

Andrea Fellman, a mom who hasn't lost her style to Motherhood! Andrea is the founder and editor of Savvy Sassy Moms, weekly contributor to the BabyCenter Blog and Los Angeles ivoice corespondent for iVillage.com. Andrea lives in Los Angeles with her funny husband and two adorable kids.

Catch her if you can @savvysassymoms

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4 Responses to It’s ok to say no

  1. N. Gary says:

    Love this article! I too felt compelled to accept every visitor despite not being ready. I also had to have a hormonal breakdown in order to say NO!

    • Krishann says:

      Thanks for sharing. While it is unfortunate that we both had breakdowns at least we learned that we could say no and before experiencing additional breakdowns :)

  2. Maria says:

    I totally agree. it is okay to say “No”. After I had Khalil in 2004, EVERYONE wanted to come over. It was annoying and gave me a lot of anxiety because I was worried people would get him sick or not hold him the right way. Like you, a lot of the time I didn’t feel like getting dressed and combing my hair. Even though I knew that I didn’t have to “entertain” it was still done. Offering drinks or water or anything else to make the company comfortable was done. It was exhausting. Sometimes I wouldn’t even answer the phone anymore because I didn’t want anyone to come over since sometimes I didn’t get a chance to shower. When I had Jeremiah in 2010, I already lived in the valley but had him in Arcadia so family wasn’t really around to just “stop by” since most of my family was in Pasadena. With Jeremiah I had also had a c-section which was okay, however, we now have stairs and I had to stay upstairs for about 2 weeks. This was not a pretty sight. I was grateful for my mom who would stop by and when my sister got home from work she would help. I understand how hard it is and that’s why I didn’t visit your little one. Then the kids got sick and trickled down to me, eekkk! However, I was so happy to finally meet your little at your other little’s birthday party ;-)

  3. Krishann says:

    Moms are the best aren’t they?! It was wonderful knowing how happy everyone was for us and sometimes company is nice but there are only a few people I am ok with not showering for :)
    I have some friends I visited in the hospital when they had their babies but I also have friends where I waited for a while. I usually wait not just because I want to give the mommy time but also because new babies often made me nervous. I like to look but not touch! Of course things are different with my own little one.

    Going through this again has reminded me to be especially considerate of my loved ones when they have babies.

    Thanks for sharing and glad to know you got a little more rest the second time around with Jeremiah.

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