I was terrified to become a mom. Always. Frankly, the whole thing was a big {lucky} accident… TWICE. (Read all about that long story here.) To my totally-ignorant pre-mom self, having kids meant the “end” of “me.” I was scared of that. Like, REALLY scared. My friends that had already become moms at the time would tell stories about how hectic and sleepless life turned, how they wondered what happened to their motivation, how they suddenly looked in the mirrors and saw tired-looking shells of their once-vibrant selves. Of course they adore their kids (like we all do) but all I heard was the negative. THAT PETRIFIED ME. (Little did I know, right???)

So, about a month before I was about to deliver my first baby I made rules for promises to myself: Keep and remember to activate the good, fun, fabulous parts of the pre-baby ME, post-baby. It started with my baby blankets and diaper bag: No ducks, no monkeys, no animal prints allowed of any kind… keep things chic and sleek. So I did. My next challenge was to keep semi-clean hair and a semi-clean apartment once my baby was born. So I did (with LOTS of coffee to get it done during naps). Various commitments to keep putting on high-heels (sometimes for inappropriate child-gatherings) followed. These day-by-day rules promises quickly snowballed into starting a blog – with a pressure-inducing, appropriate title – to keep myself committed, pursuing new work opportunities (on TV and the online world, thanks to the blog) and problem-solving about how to get some kind of makeup on most every day (even if it’s just lipgloss and nothing else). Baby steps, I kept thinking, baby steps.

Pre-babies or post? I'll never tell...

Pre-babies or post? I’ll never tell…

I figured early on: I made a tiny effort (most) every single day to do something, say something or try something that the pre-baby me would’ve tried, there’s no way I can get too far away from ‘myself.’ These ‘pre-baby actions’ also included sending emails to former employers just to keep in touch, putting mascara on in my kitchen during breakfast, listening to bubble-gum pop music in my car (and singing along, loudly) or even Swiffering the floor (through exhaustion) just because I’ve always been weirdly-obsessed to see all the dust that sucker can pick up in one clean swoop (since college). Do one ‘old-me’ thing every day, and every so often try something new… that’s all I needed to remember. Sometimes, a cocktail(s) is(are) involved… but hey, that’s also part of the pre-baby me too (so it’s legit with my rules promises). For me, my quest – and effort – to stay true to myself started the day my first daughter was born.

The result? Almost three years later I don’t feel like I’ve lost myself to motherhood. Truly, honestly, humbly and thankfully. I’m ME. STILL! (And I’m supposedly in the ‘hard-phase’ with two toddlers now.) Except now I’m a better, evolved me… with two looney little ladies to inspire all the shenanigans every single day. I’m just thrilled that they’re getting to know the REAL ME.



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