I just had a baby (ok, well, it’s been a month now, but it feels like it’s only been a few days). Isn’t he sweet?

And, even though this little guy is only a month old, we’ve already been asked repeatedly, “so, are you gonna keep trying for a girl?” See, here’s the thing…that precious little one isn’t my only little guy at home. He’s my third. Yes, three little boys! And, apparently having three little boys is an anomaly or crazy or something, because I get this question (or remarks like it) often. In fact, it even happened in the hospital right after giving birth last month! When I was pregnant with #2 & we found out he was indeed another little boy, some people’s first statement upon hearing the news was, “so are you gonna try for a girl”? Seriously! Perhaps I could just enjoy this pregnancy or this baby.

Here’s the deal…we weren’t trying for a girl. We wanted three kids. And, given my husband’s and my biology background (I was a high school biology teacher & he’s a molecular biologist), we were well aware that we could end up three of the same gender! We know how it works and we would be NO more likely to have a girl the 4th time around than we were the 1st.

Would I love to have another girl in the house? Sure. I saved all my cabbage patch dolls from childhood and my mom even saved some of my dresses. Would I love to have someone to wear them? Someone to dress in ruffles and cute girly clothes? Yes, I would. But that doesn’t mean I don’t love having our boys or that our whole goal was just to “try for a girl”. Quite frankly, the question seems to suggest that something is wrong with having boys, that they’re somehow less desirable than a little girl, or that the only reason we have three is because we were trying for a girl. And, that really frustrates this all-boy mama as I love these three little guys more than life itself!


So, while I’m off snuggling my littlest guy & playing dinosaurs or legos with the big ones, let me know your thoughts…


Have YOU gotten this question?
Do moms with all girls get asked all the time about trying for a boy?

About 

Sara Wellensiek is a mom of 3 little guys who hung up her high school biology teacher lab coat in order to spend more time at home with them. When she’s not playing dinosaurs, cars, or doing a million other “mom” things, you can find her blogging at Mom Endeavors or chatting on Twitter and Facebook.

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24 Responses to “Are You Trying For a Girl?”

  1. jillsimonian says:

    Hear ya! With my two girls (little one is 5 months) people are already asking me about having another one try to get a boy. My response? “I just had this one!” Don’t be afraid to tell ‘em to chill!

  2. Eileen says:

    You just summed up my feelings -exactly! I get asked that all the time. And my boys are now 13,9, and 6! I also have strangers say “I’m sorry” to me when they see or hear I have three boys.
    Once after someone openly commented about it in front of my sons, my oldest who was 12 at the time asked me -“Mom, why do people feel bad for you because you have three boys? What’s wrong with that?” From that day on I came up with various answers for the statements or questions. I don’t ever want my sons to hear that negative judgement from a stranger again.
    Great post!

  3. I only have one child – a girl – so I get the WHEN WILL YOU HAVE ANOTHER KID talk constantly. I wish people would just leave us alone already!

  4. Rachel @ Busy Mommy Media says:

    I had 4 boys in a row and those comments drive me nuts. Our last boy passed away as a newborn so when I got pregnant this last time I had absolutely no patience for people making those kind of comments.i was just hoping for a healthy baby and the fact that she ended up being a girl doesn’t mean I would have loved her any less if she had been a boy.

  5. Bridget A says:

    Your boys are darling! I was lucky enough to have one of each! We didn’t care what we had though, a baby is a blessing no matter what the gender! :)

  6. Kerri says:

    I have three girls and I know exactly how you feel. How do people ask someone with a newborn, “Are you going to try again?” as if the cute adorable baby in front of you wasn’t enough. I love my girls and I can’t imagine life any different.

  7. Love it, Sara! I would love to be “done” at two boys, I don’t feel like I’m missing a thing! Right now I can’t imagine having anything but them in our lives, filling each and every moment. Thank you for sharing! Snuggle those boys and hope to see you all soon! xo, Kimberly

  8. Ugh, I have 3 little girls and I also got this question every single time. I especially disliked it when strangers would ask this question *in front of my girls.* As if to say to them, “yes, we really wanted boys, but these girls will do as long as we are stuck with them.” We also weren’t trying for a specific gender, just enjoying the adventure of growing our family and letting the chips fall where they may! I’m sure a boy would have been great too, but there are some real advantages to having all the same gender kiddos!

  9. Miz says:

    We have one. And you KNOW I get then”when’s the next one?” all the time.
    We’re done. At one :-)

  10. All. The. Time. I have three girls, and we are always hearing, “You going to try for a boy?” Of course my husband REALLY wants one though, lol!!

  11. 2wired2tired says:

    I have a girl and a boy so I never get asked that question. It would be a little odd I think if someone asked me that in front of the kids.

  12. Cassie says:

    I get asked ALL THE TIME if we are going to try for a boy. It gets annoying. I mostly politely smile and say “no we are done.”

  13. Great post! We made it known that two kids was our limit – we now have two girls. I’m so tired of people asking me if we are disappointed that we didn’t have a boy. Drives me crazy! I would trade my girls for anything in the whole world!

  14. Heidi says:

    I have a friend who did keep going just to get that girl…ended up with 7 kids. And, yes, little Stephanie was her last!

  15. Guni Dalal says:

    I too also have three little girls and my youngest just turned 5 months. I am asked this question repeatedly, and not only “Are you going to try for a boy”, but when I say “NO”, the response is always “What?!?!? You have to try for a boy!” Why do I have to have a boy? We planned on having 3 children from the very first discussion of having children. My husband and I love our family but I know 3 is our limit and we are very happy with our 3 sweet baby girls!!

  16. Sohaira says:

    You are a great mom and that’s what counts. You mentioned that your goal was to have three kids wether they were boys or girls, your kids get all the love and care they need. !! And besides. I believe that God is the one who decides what you need for your family and not what biology dictates. There is a limit to science, then there is God!!!

  17. Great post! I am pregnant with our second and although I really would like a girl so we have one of each I am hesitant to say this to anyone for the reasons you mentioned. It’s like when we find out the sex (in a month) I will have to let everyone know and give them their time to feel “sorry” for me if it’s another boy. Frankly I should be the ONLY one allowed to be a tad dissappointed, right? Ok now I have another idea for a post of my own. Thanks again!

  18. AngelaB says:

    I just had my third boy as well 6 weeks ago and people ask me that ALL. THE. TIME.

    First of all, with a 6 week old, trying for another kid of any gender is not on my mind at all. And when I married my husband, who comes from three boys from a dad that comes from three boys I kind of knew what I was getting into.

  19. Vanessa Coker says:

    I have one child, ONE boy and I already get this question. People are out of their minds and no, we would not “try” for a girl. Makes me pissed!

  20. Erika says:

    So glad it’s not just me who gets that question. I have 2 girls (2 1/2 and 5 month) and people ask constantly if we are going to try for a boy. It’s none of their business what we are planning on doing!!! Very annoying!

  21. Jessica says:

    I’m pregnant with my 2nd Boy (due in 5 days!) and I always get the “so are you going to go for the 3rd girl?” and feel I haven’t had the opportunity to enjoy this pregnancy. Not only do I feel this pressure now to try again, but this looming guilt that I didn’t bring a little girl to my extended family. You see, we are a family of boys. My sister has 2 boys, and my 2 sister-in-laws all have boys (one has 3 boys and the other 1 boy). So you see, when we get together for family weekend dinners, there will now be 8 boys running around all under 15 yrs. Would I love to provide a little girl wearing pink and lace with long hair that everyone says looks like mommy, yes, will I get pregnant with a 3rd just for this reason, no. If we really want a girl, my husband and I have decided to adopt perhaps sometime in the future.

  22. Trina says:

    I love this post. i too am a mommy to 3 amazing boys and I got this question through my whole recent pregnancy. I finally told people, “oh, i didn’t know you got to choose.” thanks for sharing.

  23. Trisha says:

    I just read this. I have also 3 boys. My older 3 years old and 1 year old twin boys. I got that question many times! The last time somebody said “what a pity!” . WHAT??!! People is funny. First is “when are you getting married?”, then “when are you having a baby?”, “are you looking for the boy?” “when is the girl coming?”. I mean they will never stop asking. I wish they would mind their own business but I think is just human nature.

  24. [...] It’s a question that gets asked a lot! The other question I still get all the time is, “are you going to try for a girl?” UGH! So, really, we know that the answers to those questions are  not anyone’s [...]

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