Are you done having kids? Are we going to have any more? As Chelsea let us know last week, “stop asking me if I’m having more kids!” It’s a question that gets asked a lot! The other question I still get all the time is, “are you going to try for a girl?UGH! So, really, we know that the answers to those questions are  not anyone’s business. But, what about answering those questions for yourself?

We have three little boys, the youngest of which just turned a year old. They’re fun, and beautiful, and busy, and hard work, and try my patience, and ultimately bring me the utmost joy. See, aren’t they sweet?! The boysSo, here’s the deal… I always said I wanted three kids. Four always seemed like too many and for reasons I won’t go into right now, I was absolutely adamant about not having just one or two. So, we now have three…exactly what I said I always wanted. And, yet, I somehow don’t feel “done.” How do you know that you’re done?

I have friends who have had their stereotypical two kids and they.are.done. They are sure of it, adamant about it, and seem confident in their decision. But, I’m not feeling that way. It’s hard for me to believe that this is the last baby. No more pregnancies (which I genuinely loved), no more newborn smell, no more adorable little toes, no more baby clothes, no more first steps. Gah! I’m getting a little teary just thinking about it. Plus, I have the added component that everyone (seriously, even strangers), suggest that we should try one more time for a girl!! Admittedly, I would love to have a little girl too! I’ve never been shy about that. But, there are no guarantees. It’s no more likely that #4 would be a girl than #1. So, I’m not making any decisions based on that!

Of course, my husband would remind me that if we’re done, they’re will be no more pregnancies ;), no more newborn exhaustion, no more baby gear, etc. All of that is so true. And, on some level, the thought of moving on to a different “no more pregnancy or baby stage” is a bit exciting. But, I just can’t help but feel unsure about that, like I’m not ready to commit to a whole new life stage for our family. I don’t know if I’m ready to say, “We’re done.”

So tell me, how/when did you know you were done having kids?

 

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Sara Wellensiek is a mom of 3 little guys who hung up her high school biology teacher lab coat in order to spend more time at home with them. When she’s not playing dinosaurs, cars, or doing a million other “mom” things, you can find her blogging at Mom Endeavors or chatting on Twitter and Facebook.

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One Response to Are we done having kids?!

  1. Kristin says:

    I can only answer from a spiritual perspective. Our Christian faith teaches that the decision about when to try to have children and when to stop trying is between you, your spouse, and the Lord. This means that one family could have one or two and come to a prayerful decision that they are done, and it’s okay. This also means that another family could prayerfully feel that they should never use birth control and should just accept as many children as they can get pregnant with, and it could be okay (the Duggars?). I had five in a little over 7.5 years and was maxed out. This was not the timing I would have thought would work for me, but the timing we felt God had for us. And honestly, I wouldn’t change it now. I wasn’t sure if we were done, but I knew we were done for a while. So we waited. A few years later we felt like it was time to add another one. She is nine months old now. My friends sending their last to kindergarten with my fifth child seem so relieved to have them all off to school. I am so grateful that I still have one with me, and think we may have one more before we’re done. Trying to make that decision in the next few months. So…my two cents is that if you’re a prayerful person, pray about it. If you can’t let go of the feeling to have another one, then have one more so as not to later regret that you stopped too early. If you find peace with the three you have, just enjoy them and the next stage. Not sure if that helps, but I wish you the best of luck in finding the right path for your family. PS My fourth child is my only boy, so I’ve had lots of comments about trying for a boy or another boy. And you’re right, trying for a certain gender is not reason enough to have a baby.

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