It was shortly after noon on July 5th, 2013 when we got the text message from the adoption attorney we’d just connected with a couple days earlier.  (The story of how we got to this connection is a much, much longer one not to be delved into here.)  The birth mother and father we’d learned were in need of a couple had decided they wanted my husband and I to be the parents of their daughter, due to be born in August.

In writing this I realize how inadequate the English language is for capturing the essence of such a life changing moment.  Elation, joy, ecstasy…these words barely scratch the surface of what we felt as the content of that message sunk in.  Our dream of parenthood was finally becoming a reality!

Adoptive Mom

After fierce hugs and kisses and tears my husband and I set immediately to calling our families- those loved ones who had been through every heartbreak and hope with us- grandparents, aunt, uncle and the immeasurably dear family friend without whom this match would not have happened.  (You’re amazing, Jen!  We love you!)

But once the adrenaline blitz subsided, it hit me.  I had gone from hopeful, would-be adoptive mom to vicariously 8 months pregnant in a matter of minutes.  Yikes!  So the whirlwind of preparation began.  Ours was to be an open adoption, so the first, most important and most nerve wracking task was to make personal contact with our birth mother, Nila*.  To this point all communication had been through our lawyer.  But what do you say to the woman who has agreed to give you one of the greatest gifts on Earth by making one of the greatest sacrifices imaginable?  Would we truly be able to express the depth of our gratitude?  And what if we said something that made her change her mind?  Forget butterflies.  We had elephants frolicking in our guts.

That first contact went well (whew!) and over the next few weeks our relationship would begin to develop as we anxiously awaited our daughter’s birth.  Four weeks have never gone by so quickly and felt so achingly slow simultaneously.  We made it through though and on August 6th, 2013 we got the call!

*Name changed to respect privacy

Adoptive Mom

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3 Responses to A Would-Be Adoptive Mom Becomes a Will-Be Adoptive Mom

  1. Rocco Bruzzese says:

    Congratulations to you both. We cannot wait to meet our new niece..

  2. Erin says:

    I love the added perspective on adoption to this blog. However I must mention that we mothers whose children came to us through the gift of adoption are just that, mothers, without the qualifier of ‘adoptive mother’ as all of your posts state. As those of us in the adoption community know, it is up to us to use the correct language as a way to educate and inform to take away any mystery about adoption.

  3. Melissa says:

    Hello Erin,

    Thank you for your comments! You raise a concern I hadn’t considered. I’m using the “Adoptive Mom” designation for purely practical reasons. I want to have that “keyword” in there so anyone who’s looking for or is interested in adoption related content has a better chance of finding it. To your point though, it seems you’re implying that by qualifying myself as an “adoptive mom” people might not consider me a “real” mom. That had not occurred to me since I’ve never thought of myself as anything other than a “real” mom. I find it very interesting. Maybe something to explore in a future post. Thanks again for your input!

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