Every so often, I browse really old posts on my own blog just for kicks. What was I thinking when my first baby was born back in 2010? How did I feel about [any given topic] two years ago? Did I really think it was ok to smuggle margaritas out of that bar when my 1-year-old was acting up and we had to leave? Call it a semi-crazy way I remember who I am.
The other day, I came across an old blog that I wrote back in 2010 (a few months after my first baby was born) that rhetorically questioned when my “I just had a baby” excuse would expire. Because, we all know that having a baby gives you the most amazing get-out-of-jail-free card when you need to use it for something you just flat out are not in the mood to do or dropped the ball on… am I right? C’mon, you know what I’m talkin’ about…
Thinking back (and laughing), these were some of the very top situations that would lead me to blame my most sweet babies back in the day (thanks girls… I owe ya a few):
SCENARIO: You’ve failed to return any important and non-important phone calls on account that you’d just rather tickle your new baby’s feet to try to get him/her to laugh. When you finally return that phone call or email after a few weeks, you (lie) and say: Sorry, I just had a baby… I’ve been soooo tired… and it’s just a big adjustment… I don’t even know what day it is… and I’m just sooooo tired.
SCENARIO: Your husband opens the fridge and, for the second week in a row, you’re out of milk… and bread… and every other basic staple item that should be in a fridge for decent nutrition. To reassure your husband that you’re still thinking of his needs first, you say: Sorry, I just can’t get to the store because her naps all are wonky, and I’m trying to set a sleep schedule to make our lives more manageable in the long run. (BUT REALLY: You just didn’t feel like loading the baby, her bag, her carseat, diapers and a bottle just in case up in the car to go get a stupid gallon of milk that you don’t even drink anyways.)
SCENARIO: DID SOMEBODY JUST FART? When your nieces and nephews smell something funny and try to call you out, you say: Sorry, new babies have sooooo much gas. (They’ll never know it was really you.)
SCENARIO: You’re in a no-cell phone place (airplane, doctor’s waiting room, fancy restaurant) and need to look at Twitter right then or else. When they attendant/assistant/server kindly asks you to put your phone away on account of policy, you say: Sorry, just one more minute please… I just had a baby, and my sitter said she was going to call/text me about something at this exact time concerning my child.
SCENARIO: You find yourself trying on tons of clothes in a department store dressing room, and then realize that the salesgirl thinks you actually might be buying a lot of stuff. Little did she realize you were just goofing off on account of having a real-life sitter for a few hours so you can have mindless time to yourself to pretend you’re 19 again. When she asks (for the fourth time) if any of the piles and piles of outfits she’s bringing you (because you asked her to) are working out, you say: I am SO SORRY! You see, I just had a baby, and I have a sitter watching her now… and I TOTALLY lost track of time! I JUST looked at my watch, and my sitter has to leave in 20 minutes! I’ve got to go! (And then rush out all flustered saying, I’m so sorry… baby brain!)
Do you use your baby to make excuses (and get you out of messes)?